Top 10 Tips for Surgery

“My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life does have to come last.”

Going in for scoliosis surgery is probably the most daunting thing I have ever done and (hopefully) will ever have to do. The pain and risks of the operation aside, you are venturing into the unknown; you have no idea what to expect and no idea what to take with you. It is a whole new experience. But, all that is about to change, as I share with you my top ten tips for scoliosis surgery!

Tip No.1: Pyjamas
Take plenty of pyjamas into the hospital with you. It is important not to take long trouser bottoms because, for the first few days after the surgery, you will have to use a catheter. I recommend oversized bed shirts that go straight over your head or button up at the front or short pyjamas with shorts and strappy vest tops. The hospital environment is also very hot and humid, or it certainly was at the hospital I had my surgery at (Royal Orthopaedic Hospital), so the shorter the pyjamas, the better.

Tip No.2: Straws
For the majority of your hospital stay, you’ll be lying down in bed and unable to sit up easily or for long periods of time. However, you still need to drink, and, let me tell you, the nurses make sure you drink an absolute tonne of water. Taking staws into the hospital with you makes it so much easier because you can carry on drinking whilst lying down. It also makes it easier for other people to help you drink; throughout my entire stay in the hospital, I was unable to hold a drink up myself and my Mum had to help me. Using straws meant she could effectively feed me without me having to struggle to reach the cup or bottle, so straws are a definite ‘must’ when going in for surgery.

Tip No.3: Keeping Cool
As I mentioned before, the hospital I stayed in was extremely hot and humid. Whilst I appreciate this probably varies from hospital to hospital and with the weather (I had my operation in September), I would still recommend having something to help you stay cool. I took a small hand fan into the hospital with me, and this was an actual lifesaver. The hospital I stayed in also had Dyson fans, and I remember having two or three of these surrounding my bed each day. Another thing I used to keep cool was ‘Hot Weather Cooling Spray’. You can buy this from Boots or any other health shop very cheaply, and it was good to stop my face from getting too warm of sweating. I used this constantly throughout my stay in the hospital and I highly recommend it to anyone planning on any kind of surgery or hospital stay.

Tip No.4: The Pre-Med
Like most people, I was nervous on the day of my operation. I had never been scared before then, but, on the morning of my surgery, I was extremely anxious, and that’s when a nurse offered me a pre-med. I cannot stress enough how much I recommend taking this when it is offered to you! A pre-med is given to you a period of time before you are wheeled down to the theatre and it honestly just tastes like Ribena. It makes you feel drowsy and sleepy, basically drunk, so when you are taken to theatre and given the anaesthetic, you don’t really know what’s going on. This is brilliant for anyone nervous about surgery as it makes you completely forget about it! Picture how it feels to be drunk (and, for those too young to be drunk, it basically feels like everything is blurry and you are really dizzy), and this is how the pre-med makes you feel!

Tip No.5: Don’t Be Embarrassed
I’m going to warn you now, you won’t have much dignity when you have your surgery, but don’t let this put you off! On the morning of your operation, you’ll be asked to put on a hospital gown and paper pants, and you’ll wake up with a catheter in. Whilst this may seem embarrassing, remember that you will be under general anaesthetic when the surgeons deal with you like this so you won’t know what’s going on. Bad news for any girls planning on surgery- you’re very likely to start your period during your stay in the hospital due to the stress your body has gone through. Again, don’t let this put you off surgery. The nurses, to use a cliche, have ‘seen it all before’, and a bit of blood is not going to phase them in the slightest. You’re too dazed to really realise what’s going on, so, again, don’t be embarrassed if you do start whilst in recovery. Perhaps the most embarrassing part of scoliosis surgery is not being able to do anything for yourself- be prepared for a nurse or someone you trust to help you go to the toilet, wash, shower and dress for up to weeks after your surgery. It can feel like you’re a baby again and it can be hard to let someone help you with these routines, but it won’t be long before you are able to do it all yourself. Again, I know in my case that I was too concerned with the pain and recovery I was going through to care about someone helping me wash my hair. You won’t be the first person to need help with these things and you certainly won’t be the last. Just focus on recovering from the surgery and let other people help you with the rest.

 

Tip No.6: Be Prepared for Pestering
You may think that recovering in the hospital is just being left alone to sleep and rest. It is actually quite the opposite. Be prepared for constant pestering from nurses, doctors, surgeons and physiotherapists. Whilst they are just acting in your best interests, all you are thinking is that you wish they’d go away and leave you alone. I know that I wasn’t feeling up to physiotherapy until days after my surgery- I just wasn’t feeling strong enough to stand up, walk around or climb stairs. So, if I knew they were coming, I’d go to sleep. As harsh as it sounds, you need to do what’s best for you, and they’ll always come back later if they believe you really do need to start making a move. I’m not advocating lying to trained medical staff, but if you need to sleep or rest, make sure you let the nurses and physiotherapists know. Equally, if the physio is pushing you to your limit, don’t carry on for the sake of it- tell the staff you want to stop. You take medication up to four times a day, so be prepared to be woken up if it is time for medicine. In terms of blood tests, I had over ten during my stay in the hospital, but this was because of the heavy blood loss I suffered during surgery and my consequent blood transfusion; they continuously struggled to get any blood out of me, despite trying both arms, wrists and hands. This won’t be the case for everyone, but be prepared to have some. You’ll probably be too dazed to realise what they are doing, but be prepared all the same.

Tip No.7: Family
If you’re under eighteen years old and have a family member or friend that could stay with you in the hospital, then ask them to; I cannot recommend this enough. My Mum slept on a broken reclining chair for all nine days that I was in the hospital, and it was so, so helpful. It meant there was always someone there in the night if I woke up in pain and needed someone to fetch a nurse, and it was just nice knowing that someone was with me at all times. Other family members and friends will visit during the day, and having them show support helps, but the feeling of having someone there with you there 24/7 is indescribable. It sort of relaxes you and makes the stay less impossible; even if you’re sleeping all day, having someone sat next to you makes you feel safe and motivates you to focus on your recovery and work on getting better.

Tip No.8: Visitors
For some people, having friends and family come and visit you during your stay in hospital is enjoyable. Whilst on some occasions it was for me, there were other times (when I was feeling lethargic and in pain) that visitors were the last thing I needed. My advice is don’t pre-plan when people are going to visit you; let them come when you are feeling up to it. In my case, my friends texted my Mum when they were planning to visit and she gave them a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’, depending on whether I was feeling okay. This meant that when people did come to visit me, I was able to talk to them and enjoy their company, and when I was feeling tired or in pain, I was able to rest by myself without having to worry about being social.

Tip No.9: The Journey Home
Depending on how far away your house is from the hospital, the journey home can be daunting. For me, it took nearly an hour to drive home after my surgery, and the journey was a constant worry for everyone throughout my stay in the hospital. The first thing to remember is that your surgeons wouldn’t even dream of sending you home if they didn’t think you were up to it. If they don’t believe you can cope with the journey home, they wouldn’t send you. When the time does come for you to leave, there are many things you can do to make the journey easier and more comfortable. For me, I reclined the front passenger seat (it’s easier to get in and out of the front seat when you cannot bend your back) and packed it full of pillows and cushions. My Dad made sure he didn’t drive to fast or sharply around corners- stick at 60mph on the motorways if it makes you feel more comfortable. It all really depends on how much of your back you’ve had fused and how well your recovery has gone. I had my entire back fused and my time in hospital had been incredibly difficult, so putting this measures into place when it came to the drive home meant the hour-long journey didn’t feel impossible.

Tip No.10: DON’T PANIC
Feeling nervous and scared before and during your stay in the hospital is almost inevitable. It is important to remember that you are in the care of trained medical staff and are recovering in building specifically designed for just that! During my surgery, I lost half of my blood and my surgeons thought they had paralysed me, but look at me now! I’m back living my life just how I want to, despite the struggles I experienced in the hospital. If anything goes wrong, you have the best people on hand to help you, and I promise you that it will get better! Your stay in the hospital will not last forever, however much it feels like it will, and you have so much support around you to help! Keep pushing forward and focusing on your recovery; in the words of D:ream, “things can only get better”!

“Be strong, because things will get better. It may be stormy now, but it never rains forever.”

My Spinal Fusion

“Your scars are someone else’s signs of hope.”

This post is one that I have been asked on several occasions to write and publish. The reason I haven’t done it up until now is not that I have been putting off or not wanting to write it; it is simply because I wanted to do a good job of it. I’ve had so many requests to talk about this and so I just had to get it right. I’ve taken my time with writing this to ensure I didn’t miss anything out, so I’m hoping it’s going to be informative and helpful to as many people as possible.

So, here we go. This is the story of my journey from surgery to recovery.

Before I start, I’d like to say that this post isn’t going to dress anything up or make the whole situation seem better or easier than it was. I intend on telling no lies. Being honest about this may be scary or worrying, but it’s honestly the best thing you can hear. It’s so important that you understand exactly what surgery and recovery entail before you go through with it. I’m not going to write about how easy it was or how there’s no point being nervous, because neither of those is true. However,  I am going to write about why having spinal fusion was the best decision I have ever made and how I have no regrets to this day.

Okay, so, we’re going to start with a rewind to the summer of 2016 when I was on holiday in Bude, Cornwall. We’d only been there for a few days when we got a call from my Mum back home. She told us that the hospital had booked me in for my operation on the 22nd August. That was two days after I would get home from my holiday.

Upon hearing this, I was understandably shaking. I hadn’t expected it to be this soon, and to go through an operation immediately after returning from a holiday in my favourite place in the world was going to be hard. I knew that I was going to be anxious for the rest of my holiday and I didn’t want to associate Bude with feelings of worry and dread. Obviously, I had spent the past eighteen months knowing that, at some point, I was going to go through major surgery. But, words cannot describe how I felt when I was given a date for it. It just made the whole situation seem completely and utterly real, and, for the first time, I was scared. I’d never been one to let my scoliosis get on top of me or worry me to the extent that I struggled to live normally. But, I think it was at this point that the reality hit me: I was going to have major surgery.

After I calmed down, I told my friends and, like me, they were shocked at how soon I was going to be having it. One of my dearest friends booked a train ticket to come and see me straight away; the nine-hour journey to London, then Exeter and then to Bude didn’t deter her from coming to cheer me up and support me. I couldn’t express my gratitude enough. I’ve stressed this so much in previous posts, but the support I received from my friends was incomparable to anything else. They always ensured I was cared for and that my pain was dealt with as best as it could be, and it was always so amazing to see how selfless they were being. I was determined not to let having Scoliosis stop me from living my life how I wanted to, and my friends really helped me achieve that.

For those that have had experience with hospitals, you’ll know that they have a tendency to mess you around. Just hours after they had given me my operation date, the hospital called back and told me they had moved it to the 2nd September. Whilst this was frustrating, it was a relief that it wouldn’t be so soon. It gave me time to get used to the feeling that my operation was close. It helped me relax a little more and enjoy what holiday I had left.

Fast-forward now to the day before my operation. Surprisingly enough, I wasn’t nervous or worried in the slightest. I guess I was so used to finding distractions to make me forget about my impending surgery that I managed to do it right up until the day of my operation. That will always be my biggest piece of advice; continue doing the things you love as much as you can because this will make it easier to cope. I’m not saying that focusing on your hobbies or the people you love makes the struggle disappear, but it certainly makes it easier. I went into the hospital in the afternoon and they did all of the routine tests to make sure I was fit for surgery. Even at this point, for me, I wasn’t phased. I was in no way nervous or worried about what would be happening the following day.

I woke up the following morning, and that’s when it hit me. I put my unflattering hospital gown on and waited to be taken down for surgery. This was the first time, except for being given my surgery date, since I had been diagnosed that I was scared. And I mean really, really scared. Everything had been building up to this moment; months of me putting on a brave face and pretending I was okay had led to this. I honestly did not know what to expect, and I think this ‘unknown’ really made me worry more. I’d had so many appointments with surgeons and doctors where they’d explained the risks of this surgery; blindness, paralysis, and nerve failure being just a few. For some reason, I’d never really worried about them or considered them, but, at that moment, I finally realised that this operation could go horribly wrong, and, if it did, my life would be changed forever.

Another piece of advice for anyone having surgery is to ask for a pre-med. It’s basically medicine that makes you feel drunk and drowsy so, when you are eventually wheeled down to theatre on your hospital bed, you don’t really know what’s going on. When I made it down to the operating room, it was the classic ‘let’s give you your anaesthetic and make you count to twenty’. I honestly don’t know what number I managed to get up to, but it wasn’t very far. At that point, your head is spinning with all of the things that could go wrong with surgery and what you’re going to be like when you come out, but the pre-med stops you worrying like that. So, yeah; I really, really recommend the pre-med, especially if you’re very worried about the surgery.

The next thing I remember was being shouted at by my surgeon. Everything was white and hazy, sort of like I was dreaming. I can still only vaguely picture what I saw; it was like my eyes weren’t really working. I remember being shouted at to lift my left leg up. But I couldn’t. Even in my dazed state, I could sense the panic in the room. There was constant shouting and people dashing around, but I didn’t really understand what was going on. It was only later that I found out that my surgeons had warned my parents that they thought I had been paralysed on the left side of my body. The fact that my surgeons genuinely believed I was paralysed didn’t give much hope. Fortunately, it was just the epidural they gave me, so they just took it out. However, it did mean I had to suffer my first night in HDU (high-dependancy unit) without any pain relief whatsoever. I can’t imagine the panic my parents must have experienced; you go into situations like this expecting nothing bad will happen and the risks the surgeons warned you about wouldn’t happen to you. But, even for that one, tiny moment, the reality of the situation really showed.

The surgeons managed to get my curves down to around twenty-eight and twenty degrees respectively. Whilst this is not straight, it was a massive improvement from how it was before. Clothes fit me better and I wasn’t as self-conscious when I had to dress up or go outside, so it’s safe to say what the surgeons managed to achieve was incredible.

I’m not going to lie; recovering was agony. For some reason, I couldn’t lie on my back. This meant that every time I wanted to roll over onto my other side, a nurse had to do it for me. Whilst I appreciated how caring they were, turning me over every five minutes, it made me feel so hopeless. I couldn’t even manage to turn over in bed; how on earth was I going to manage to walk again? It honestly demotivated me massively and I honestly started to have doubts over whether I had made the right decision.

To make matters worse, I lost half my blood in surgery, meaning I had to have a blood transfusion. The surgeons told me I had lost so much, they had to rush the end of my operation just to get me out safely. Combined with my paralysis scare, the situation wasn’t too great. Losing half my blood made me dizzy, lethargic and constantly fatigued. I didn’t sit up or stand up until the third day after my operation, and I was still in HDU at this point; that’s two days longer than most people. I don’t think I really expected the recovery to be that tough or take that long, so I was starting to feel disheartened and fed up. I was unable to do anything for myself and I felt so helpless. I’m such an independent person, and having people do everything for me was very hard.

The next six days on the ward were probably the toughest I have ever experienced. The weird sensation in my back combined with my iron deficiency from bloody loss meant every little task was horrendously difficult. I couldn’t walk or sit up for longer than ten minutes without feeling light headed and sick and I didn’t even eat anything until over a week after my operation. I was honestly so unmotivated and disheartened. I could never have prepared for how tough recovery was going to be, and, I know it probably sounds stupid, but I honestly thought I was never going to be able to leave the hospital. I was stuck in a frame of mind that I was never going to get better and that having the operation was the worst decision of my life.

Coming home after nine days in hospital was a massive relief. I’m not going to lie; my time in hospital was, without doubt, the worst experience of my life. But, coming home really put me in a more positive and optimistic mindset. My recovery at home was not as hard as it had been in the hospital, but it still posed challenges. Now, all I wanted was my independence back. For those that know me, I am an extremely independent person. I like to know what’s going on at all times and I like to do things my way. Having to stay in bed all day practically being waited on hand and foot by my mother was so frustrating, but I knew I had to do it in order to get better. All I wanted was to go back to school, but, especially after my bad blood loss, I had to take time away to recover.

I had six weeks off school, most of which were complete bed rest, and then had my first week back at school as half-days. I still remember my first day back at school; all of my friends rushed to welcome me as I walked through the gates, and people that I had barely spoken to before were coming up to me in the common room to see how I was doing. Once again, everyone was so supportive and actually excited to see me, which I was surprised about. Seeing everyone again was such a good feeling and it was like I had taken no time away at all.

But then the buzz stopped. Everyone carried on exactly how they had been when I was at home recovering, and that’s when I felt like I was six weeks behind everyone. My friends had all settled into sixth form, getting on with their subjects and forming new friendship groups, and it felt as if I had missed that boat and had been left stranded on the shore. I felt threatened by the new friends they were making as if I had been forced out in their favour. And, I know full well that my friends never intentionally made me feel this way; it was sort of inevitable. But, nonetheless, I still felt alone.

Obviously, once I had gotten used to school again, all of these feelings went away, and my friends continued to support me in any way I needed, from carrying my bags around school for me to finding me a comfier chair when I wasn’t happy with the one I was sitting on. Fast forward a year and a half later, and they all continue to be caring and considerate. Old friends have gone and new, amazing friends have arrived, but there’s always one thing in common between them all: they never try to treat me differently because of my back, but they understand that there are some things I need some extra help with. If I have to back out of a plan because of my scoliosis, there’s never any problem or upset caused, as my friends know that I still get pain and discomfort. They plan trips around my back, and, while there is less of a need to since my operation has reduced my pain massively, it still shows they care about making sure I’m enjoying myself whilst also being careful not to stretch me too far.

It’s been a year and a half since my surgery, and my curves have grown into the thirty-degrees area. Yes, it is disappointing that my back isn’t as straight as it was after my operation and some of the pain and discomfort is coming back, but when it starts to get me down, I just have to think about how I was before my operation. I was in a position where I couldn’t stand for longer than five minutes, and now I am so much better. Sometimes I’m still unsure about wearing a dress or a fitting top, but, again, I have to remember how much better I look and feel now than two years ago.

Scoliosis surgery was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and it will be difficult for anyone else that goes through it. The excruciating pain, long recovery, and mental side-effects that come with the condition were a challenge to me each and every day and still are to some extent. But it would be a lie to say it hasn’t been positive in some ways; scoliosis has given me confidence in myself and helped believe that I am capable of doing anything I put my mind to. There are times I doubt whether surgery was the right choice, and it is true to say that I still get sad and angry at why I ended up with this condition in the first place. But, do you know what? I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.

“Remember that bravery is not lack of fear but the ability to move forward in spite of fear.”

 

 

 

The Last Plantagenet

“You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.”

So, I know it’s been a ridiculously long time since I last posted on this blog, and I apologise for that. The demands of sixth-form never seem to end and I just haven’t had time to write. But, here I find myself procrastinating revision for my exams that start in two days time and dying to write about an amazing day trip I went on just before Christmas.

Like pretty much everyone, I have role models. I think it’s so important to have someone that you look up to and inspires you, especially when you’re going through something tough like Scoliosis. For most people, it’s a family member or a friend, and sometimes even a celebrity. For me, however, one of my most important role models is someone who’s been dead for five-hundred and thirty-three years. Richard III.

My love of medieval history has led me to take a real interest in Richard’s reign and reputation. I study him in my A-Level History and I wrote my second EPQ on him. And the thing that really made me want to learn more about the last Plantagenet king was the fact that he had Scoliosis. To be able to study someone who had the same condition that I do is an incredible opportunity. I find it remarkable that Richard, despite having Scoliosis, managed to rule as King and lead the vanguard at several battles successfully. For me, it’s inspirational and it motivates me not to let my Scoliosis stop me from doing things I love. I know that his reputation in the world of history isn’t all that perfect, and the image that is conjured in our heads of Richard is one of Shakespearean myth, but, despite all that, he is still remembered for his brave and heroic charge at the Battle of Bosworth on the 22nd August 1485.

So, anyway, back to the day out. After our last history trip to the Tower of London, my friends and I decided to take a trip to Leicester, famously the burial site of Richard III. We took the train into the city and headed straight for the Richard III Visitor Centre, stopping for a quick photo in front of the Richard III statue. The first half of the centre was all about Richard’s life; of course, taking A-Level History meant I was already familiar with the events of his life, but it was so interesting to see it in a different light. Part of the introductory video showed a reenactment of Richard and his armorer; the actor that played Richard displayed his bare back and his Scoliosis could be seen. The feeling I got from that was indescribable. Scoliosis has always been a condition that not everyone is aware of, so to be able to see it displayed for all visitors to see really made me feel not so different to everyone else. My Scoliosis has never been something that I wanted to hide from anyone, but I understand why it can be for some people. But, seeing Scoliosis in a situation such as this honestly made me so proud.

The second part of the centre was all about finding Richard’s skeleton in 2012. It was popular belief that Richard’s curved spine was simply a Shakespearean myth; his portrayal of a ‘hunchbacked’ monster has been disregarded by loyal Ricardians for decades. Obviously, after his skeleton was discovered, it became clear that Richard did have Scoliosis. There was a display of a replica of his spine and full skeleton which was amazing to see. It was a strange feeling seeing a display on Scoliosis, but it was incredible to see it explained and presented so people could understand it. For me, that’s one of the most important things we need to work on with Scoliosis. Informing people and helping them understand the difficulties we go through is one of the best ways to spread awareness.

The last aspect of the centre was seeing the exact place where they found Richard’s bones. As soon as I walked over to the spot, I was honestly flooded with emotion. I realise it sounds stupid, but to stand in the exact place where one of my heroes was buried and found was a surreal feeling. It was sort of like everything else stood still as I focused on the hologram of his skeleton, highlighting his curved spine perfectly. It was indescribable. Despite the cold, I sat there for a long while just looking and thinking. The man that was buried there was real and he really had Scoliosis. He ruled as king. He fought bravely in battles. Yet, he was forced to keep his condition hidden from everyone because of the affiliations physical deformity had with evil and the Devil. He was no different to me or anyone else with Scoliosis. And, I think it was at that point when it really hit me. Richard III was a real person and he had my condition.

But what was more indescribable was visiting Leicester Cathedral and seeing his new resting place. I wanted to see it alone first, which my friends understood and respected. I walked behind the altar to the place where his coffin was, and then it hit me. Richard III was buried right where I was standing. And my eyes filled with tears. I know it probably sounds ridiculous, but I’m not ashamed of it. Richard III has played a massive part in motivating me through having Scoliosis, as well as increasing my passion for history. And, to have the opportunity to get even the slightest insight into his life was amazing.

I guess what this post is trying to stress is the importance of having someone or something that can help you get through a condition like Scoliosis. One of the things that really motivated me before my operation was remembering that I could beat it and I was going to get through it. Having a someone to look up to really helps with that. For me, Richard III is a constant reminder that there was someone who coped with Scoliosis through a more difficult time than I am, and he still managed to live life normally. Whenever I read about him or watch a documentary about him, I am inspired to not let Scoliosis stand in the way of me doing the things that I love.

I’m not saying that this is the only thing that helps me live with Scoliosis. It’s hard and some days you feel like you’re never going to be normal and you’ll never be able to live life normally with it. But finding a distraction through something you love is, in my opinion, the best way to get through it.

“Don’t confuse your path with your destination. Just because it’s stormy now, doesn’t mean you aren’t headed for sunshine.”

An Exhausting Week

“The trick is to enjoy life. Don’t wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead.” – Majorie Pay Hinckley

In having two weeks off school, most people would assume I’d spend my time relaxing, watching the TV or reading a book. But being me, I did exactly the opposite. Of course, over half term I went on my trip to Ludlow Castle. But my love for history, and London, got me planning another day out.
My friends and I had spent months planning a visit to the Capital. As they also all study history, we decided to pay a visit to the famous Tower of London. I’d been the previous year, but, of course, that was before my operation, and I was excited to go back without any pain. Moreover, in being a really important part of the course, visiting the Tower again, knowing the historical context, meant I really appreciated the trip.

Being able to travel by train and tube, in addition to walking through extremely busy crowds, really made me feel good. There’s no way I would’ve even been able to do that before my operation, and so it was amazing to enjoy my day without worrying about pain. I could stand up on the tube, not bothering to ask other passengers to give up their seats for me; I no longer felt like an inconvenience, and it was incredible!

Like Ludlow Castle, walking around The Tower, understanding the history behind it, was a really insightful experience. Just going into rooms, and reading about figures that I study, really made the history feel real. And, after spending a couple of hours touring exhibits on monarchs, prisoners and servants, we finally made it to the room I’d been most looking forward to: the exhibit on Richard III. For those that don’t know, the last Plantagenet King is famous for having a severe curvature of the spine, and has been depicted in many Shakespearean adaptations as a ‘villainous hunchback’. Despite his not-so-kind actions as King, I really felt as if I could sympathise with him. In history, having such a deformity was linked to witchcraft and the Devil. But, his perseverance with his condition, in not only running the country, but also fighting in battles, is really amazing to study from my perspective.

The final aspect of day was a sunny walk through Green Park. I was finally able to wear the pair of sunglasses that had been sat in my bag for weeks, awaiting even the smallest ray of sunshine. I cannot stress enough how incredible it was to just enjoy a walk with great company, without even thinking about my back. For anyone trying to decide whether to have the surgery or not, the adventures I can now experience far outweigh the pain I went through. Little things like walking, talking and laughing seem like such an achievement, and it really enabled me to fully enjoy the day. And, to top it all off, we ended up seeing the Royal Standard flying and the Duke of Edinburgh drive into Buckingham Palace! It was the perfect end to the perfect day.

For a lot of people, the exhaustion of a day trip to London would’ve been enough to justify the rest of the week in bed. But, for me, my tired-state had only just begun. The day after our “gallivanting around the Capital”, (a direct quote from my friend), I went to count the General Election vote. Politics is what I want to do as a career, and what I want to study at university. As I was too young to vote in the election, the prospect of counting the vote not only excited me, but also meant that I could get involved in our democratic system. Before my operation, I constantly fussed and fidgeted; I couldn’t sit for very long, and had to keep getting up for little walks. I even had a special pass that let me leave any of my lessons at any time. But, this time, sitting and counting from 22:45 until 03:00 was absolutely fine. Despite that fact that my eyes got extremely blurry from seeing the same ballot paper over and over again, the experience was so incredible. The buzz of the atmosphere was so exciting for me, and I can’t wait to to it again.

And so we get to the final part of my exhausting week. Saturday morning: the alarm went off at 03:00. After the count, I’d gone home to watch the live coverage of the election, and didn’t go to sleep until 06:00, and, consequently, I’d only had six hours sleep in two days. But, nevertheless, I was out of the house by 04:00 and on my way to Falmouth, Cornwall for an open day. Two five-hour journeys would’ve been hell before my surgery; again, it was the constant need to move about. But, of course, now I’m able to cope with it no differently to anyone else. It’s strange to think that, even though I won’t be attending university for over a year, I’ve already got to decide where I want to go. And, I think it’s safe to say that, this open day made me realise exactly where I want to go.

The University of Exeter: Penryn Campus is small, homely and, above all, next to the sea. Being able to study the course I want to in such an incredible part of the country is an amazing opportunity to have. Moving away for university was always something I didn’t want to do, and I guess that some of that was linked to my Scoliosis. More often that not, it was my family and friends that recognised that I was in discomfort or pain. Understandably, it’s not easy for other people to notice the condition or realise that you need help. And so I came to the conclusion that I’d have to stay at home, in order to have people around me to support me. But having my surgery has really given me confidence. I’m an independent person that loves to learn, and going away to study is the perfect combination of those two traits. Cornwall is my second home, and to be able to spend three years of my life there is such a reward and a privilege.

Although last week was so, very exhausting, and I think I’ll be catching up on my sleep for weeks to come, it really made me appreciate the amazing work my surgeons did. They’ve given me back the opportunity to do things I love, with such amazing people. Yes, the pain that I experienced during my recovery period made me wonder if I’d ever fully recover. But, just being able to go for a sunny walk, or take part in something I’m passionate about, or plan my further education, meant that all of it was worth it. Surgery has given me my life back, and my confidence along with it. For anyone giving the operation even the slightest bit of thought, I cannot recommend it enough. I got into the state where I though that I’d never be able to do the things I loved ever again. But, look at me now, going on day trips to London and Cornwall! Doing incredible things with incredible people is such an important part of life, and surgery means that I can experience all of that again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That Perfect Prom Dress

“Self-confidence is the best outfit. Rock it and own it.”

From the photograph below, you can probably tell that I’m not someone that is into fashion; a rarity for a teenage girl. My wardrobe simply consists of jeans, nerdy t-shirts and hoodies. But, it’s what I enjoy wearing and feel comfortable in. However, many girls my age enjoy spending money on makeup and clothes; it’s no different to me spending my money on DVDs and film merchandise. Life’s about doing what you enjoy, and if that’s perfecting winged eyeliner or buying designer labels, then there’s no reason not to.

Let’s go back to Year Eleven. I’d finished all twenty-six of my exams, and I was finally ready to relax. But I couldn’t. And, do you know why? The dreaded ‘prom’ was only a few weeks away. For most girls, prom is the best night of the year, a chance to go wild with dresses, makeup, hair and shoes. But, for me, I was terrified.

First of all, I hated getting dressed up. Every Christmas I’d come downstairs in my jeans and dressing gown and be met by my family wearing blouses, dresses and jewellery galore. That was all except for my Dad, who was dressed exactly the same as I did. It always gave me comfort knowing that there was someone else who hated getting dressed up. But, of course, for prom, I had to wear…a dress. A DRESS! I didn’t even own a skirt, never mind a dress, and I had no idea how to even go about looking for an appropriate one.

The second reason for my hatred of prom was because of how ‘social’ it was. Suffering from Social Anxiety meant, and still means, that the loud music and busy flow of people moving around and dancing really made me nervous. At that point, I could barely even go into a busy shopping centre without having a panic attack, and so the idea of going to prom really worried me. In fact, it probably even scared me slightly.

But, of course, one of the big reasons that put me off going to prom was my back. With two one-hundred-degree curves, there was no hiding my Scoliosis. Clothes didn’t fit right, and it was always obvious how much my right shoulder blade really stuck out. Thinking about going somewhere, full of people, in a dress really wasn’t nice for me. I knew everyone would stare. I always felt so self-conscious in clothes; I restricted myself to baggy t-shirts and hoodies so my back wouldn’t draw attention. And, although they’re the types of clothes that I prefer to wear, I felt like I had little choice. I spent a holiday in Greece sat on the sun lounger in leggings and a hoodie whilst everyone else was catching rays in bikinis and swimsuits- I was so body-conscious, even though there was no real need to be. Everyone knew about my Scoliosis, and yet they never made any nasty comments; my friends were always, and still are, so understanding and supportive.

Consequently, I became adamant that I wasn’t going to prom. All around me, my friends made plans for transport and after-parties, and I just sat back and watched. Time and time again I’d be asked to consider coming, and I’d always refuse without even thinking about it. I wasn’t going and that was final.

Well…

You may have guessed that I ended up going to prom.

After months and months of refusing to even consider attending, I sat down and and put some thought into my decision. Granted, I was nervous about the busy atmosphere that prom would inevitably have, and I really didn’t want to wear a dress, but were they really valid reasons for not going? Prom is an event that you only do once; it’s a night for celebrating and spending time with friends. And, as for my Scoliosis, I knew that the majority of my friends were aware of my condition. Scoliosis was, and still is, part of me and I was proud of it; I finally realised that I wasn’t prepared to let an ill-fitting dress ruin my evening.

And so the prom-planning began. My friends and I booked a vintage camper van to take us to the venue and we planned what were going to do after the party, (which, of course, was to have a Gavin and Stacey marathon). I was never one for spending loads of money on clothes, especially when there was no way I’d ever wear them again, so I chose shoes, a bag and jewellery from my Mum’s vast collection. The only thing left to do was choose a prom dress. The photograph above shows the first and last time I went shopping for an outfit to wear. I was adamant I wasn’t going to wear a long dress; that just really wasn’t my style. So, I decided to go for a skater-style dress. As soon as I saw the black, floral dress, I loved it. But, when I tried it on, my love for it vanished. It stretched and draped in all of the wrong places; whilst it was the right style for me, the fitting made my self-confidence drop. I didn’t know what to do.

But, as luck would have it, I found the perfect solution. Taking GCSE Textiles meant that I spent the majority of my week sewing at school, with the help of my teacher and my amazing technician. I brought the subject of prom dresses up in lesson, and Mrs W, the technician, told me how she had made prom dresses for her daughters. As soon as she’d said it, I knew what had to be done. Despite her saying that it would be the hardest piece of sewing she’d ever have to undertake, she made my prom dress. How she managed to make a dress that fit perfectly around my one-hundred degree thoracic curve, I will never know.

The best thing about having your prom dress made is that you can have it exactly how you want it, and this really helped my self-confidence. I stuck with my skater dress style, to be cut just above my knee. Mrs W made the prototype out of white cotton, and we shaped it and chopped it to make it fit me well. Once I was happy with the design, my parents took me to a fabric shop, where I chose my own satin, a zip and some blue sequins to decorate it. I’d never had clothes tailored to me before, but I can honestly say it was such an amazing experience. I got the opportunity to be as creative and imaginative as I wanted. And, whilst all my friends were fretting about how they couldn’t find the dress they wanted, I could sit back and relax; my dress was in safe hands.

Inevitably, my dress didn’t fit like a dress would fit anyone else. But for the first time in over a year, I felt good. And that’s the most important thing. But, although I felt confident in my dress, prom was still a very difficult experience for me. Because of my severe back pain, I spent most of the evening sat at a table watching others dance, my friends taking it in turns to sit with me. I felt like such an inconvenience for asking them to give up their night to make sure I wasn’t alone. But, interspersed with the regular rest breaks were times when I got up and I danced, and I had photographs with my friends. And those are the memories I will treasure forever. Just enjoying myself made the discomfort fade. I may have been in immense pain all evening, but that didn’t stop me running to the dance floor when Mr Brightside came on!

I guess what this post is trying to say is that Scoliosis should never stop you doing anything you want to do. I appreciate that there were other factors that initially stopped me wanting to go to prom, but, once I overcame the worry of walking into prom in an ill-fitting dress, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. A tailored dress made me feel confident and, for the first time in over a year, good. The compliments I received, despite the fact that my prominent shoulder blade was really noticeable, made me feel so special. It only takes someone to say ‘you look good’, and the self-confidence comes flooding back. Of course, I noticed people looking at my back but I didn’t feel like it was nasty or out of spite. I realised people were just curious. There isn’t an ounce of regret in me in terms of attending prom; I had an amazing evening, spent with my incredible friends. And, despite the fact that my severe curve on my right shoulder blade was on full view, for once I managed to forget about the sresses of Scoliosis.

“Confidence is the only key. I can’t think of any better representation of beauty than someone who is unafraid to be herself.” -Emma Stone.

If you’re worried or anxious about attending prom, or any event that entails you getting dressed up, because of Scoliosis, I urge you to really consider going. Just don’t be forced into attendance; do what is best for you. Being body-conscious is a natural part of having a condition like this, and it’s not something that will vanish at the drop of the hat. But getting dressed up, and wearing a dress that fitted me perfectly, meant that I was able to feel good, even if it was just for one night. Don’t let Scoliosis stop you from doing the things you enjoy. Make the memories you deserve to make; the ones that you will treasure forever.

Laura

A Trip to Ludlow Castle

“But if I keep my core and back strong, the Scoliosis doesn’t really bother me.” – Usain Bolt.

Before my surgery, the words ‘day trip’ would send shivers down my spine. Literally. I could barely even stand up for five minutes without experiencing severe pain, never mind walk around a village or property for hours and hours. It had started to feel as if there was no way I’d ever be able to experience these things again. I spent all of my prom sat at a table, not being able to enjoy myself and dance to the music with my friends. I felt so guilty for asking them to sit with me. It was the same on family holidays; my once great love for taking long walks along the Cornish coastal path was then just something I thought I’d never be capable of doing again.

I’ve always believed that life was for living in the present. It’s really hard not to worry about things that have happened or things that are going to happen, and I know because I worry wayyy too much. But today, I forgot about the stresses of sixth form and just enjoyed myself. And, do you know what? My back didn’t hurt one bit.

One of the subjects I study at A-Level is History. I’m not even going to bother lying- I love it. I’m a proper history nerd, my favourite period being the Wars of the Roses. So when my friend, (whom might I mention is also a massive history nerd), rang me up and asked if I wanted to come on a day trip to Ludlow Castle, there was only one answer I could give. And, for the first time since my surgery in September 2016, I finally felt like I was capable of enjoying a day out.

The first part of the day was an hour and a half drive to Ludlow itself. I’m sure other Scoliosis suffers out there will agree with me when I say that long car journeys are absolutely awful. Hours of fidgeting and wriggling about in the seat, interspersed with pit stop after pit stop was usually what I expected when it came to driving long distances. But, this time, I was fine. It was probably a combination of my newly-straight spine and the somewhat entertaining singing performances from my friend in the front of the car that got me through the journey.

We then proceeded to buy our tickets and walk around the castle. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t truly fascinated by the whole thing. I’ve always found it strange looking at ruins and imagining what it would’ve looked like before age took its toll. It was really surreal walking into rooms that the figures I learn about would’ve been in too. But what really made the visit amazing was the fact that, despite walking around the castle for two hours, through narrow, steep staircases and uneven pavements, my back didn’t hurt at all. I could enjoy myself- plain and simple. It was the first day trip in years that when someone asked me: ‘Is your back okay?’, I could reply with: ‘Yes, it’s absolutely fine!’

After spending the afternoon searching the shops for a ‘Best of the 00s’ CD to listen to on the way home, we rounded off the day by walking over the Ludford Bridge, the supposed sight for the battle in 1459. Despite the queue of cars that lay across it, the area was beautifully scenic. The river was clear and lined with colourful flowers, and old, stone cottages surrounded the bridge itself. And being with someone who appreciated the historical context just as much as I did really made the day special.

I’m usually quite a conscious person when it comes to other people; I don’t like getting in others’ way or making people go out of their way to help me. So, in the past, I found it incredibly difficult to have to ask to take a rest break every ten minutes. It made me feel guilty and an inconvenience. But, today, not having to worry about any of that meant I could have a care-free day and really appreciate the amazing sights and the great company I was in.

Before my surgery, I couldn’t stand up for more than five minutes. Everything I did had to be planned around rest breaks, whether it was a trip to the beach, or even just a walk to the shops. It felt like it would never end. It felt like I’d never be able to do the things I enjoyed ever again. But, what this blog post is trying to say is to never give up hope. Today I had such an amazing day; yes, it was action-packed and now I’m completely and utterly shattered, but I managed to go a whole day without worrying about my back. And to be completely honest, it felt incredible.

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” – Desmond Tutu.

Right now, it may feel like Scoliosis is going to limit you forever. But it won’t. Look at me. Today I had the best day of my life, and the thirty-two screws in my spine didn’t affect me one bit!

Laura